As I have been writing these blogs and reading about what women turning 40 should know it seems the consensus is that 40 is a lot better than most people would think. At 40 we are past all the uncertainties of youth. There is no more chasing boys, and wondering who we will marry or what I want to be when I grow up. I have a house, a husband and two amazing children so all seems to going in the right direction so far.
But, just because the number 40 rolls around it does not mean you have to have it all figured out. I’m still a stay at home mom of a 7 and a 9 year old. I worked before the kids came along, but now I have been out of the workforce for a long period of time. It will probably not be easy finding a job once I am ready to go back since I have been out of it for so long. But, where do I go from here? Once the kids have moved off to college what happens then? Do I first start a career then? Will I have to start at my local fast food establishment or go back to retail to start over? Do I relive the old fantasy of going to law school, or will my life take me on another path completely.
I do know I need to do something with my life. I have heard of a lot of stay at home mom’s and wives whose kids go off to school or their husbands leave them and they feel lost because they haven’t done anything other than stay at home for 18 years. And, what if god forbid something does happen to Jody? I think as a woman I need to know I could still survive if he weren’t here as well. I’m still looking to be there to pick my children up everyday after school, help them with their homework and run them to guitar lessons, baseball practice and be here for every holiday, birthday and any other major event that may come along. Being a mom is truly my favorite job. I wouldn’t change it for the world. But, it is nice to know that in case of emergency I would be able to take over as the family bread winner.
This summer I have applied for a job in the school cafeteria of a school I would love to get my kids into. I haven't been successful getting them into the school because the school is on a lottery system. I decided I would be willing to sling slop and wear a hairnet if it means I can get my kids into a school where they will get a better education. I take my job as a mom very seriously and their education is right now my biggest concern. Being a lunch lady is not my life long dream. Actually in the past I have laughed off the idea of being a lunch lady, but sometimes you do things for the sake of your kids and you hope it works out for the best.
I still have a long life ahead of me. I will figure things out as I go, because that is all you can do. Isn’t there a saying that says “life is what happens when you are busy making plans”? Well my ending is still unplanned, the next chapter of life is just starting. I’m happy with how the first half has turned out, but yes, the rest is still unwritten.
I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined.
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned.
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find.
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions.
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in.
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips.
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open.
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten.
-Natasha Bedingfield
3 days and counting!